Xmas Part I

Hey internet! Obviously I have not been writing much on here, ever. Until recently I had this idea that I needed to have serious, well-thought-out, multiple-point essays up my sleeve in order to be a blogger. It has come to my attention that this is a completely erroneous concept; That, in fact, one can be a decently successful (and lucrative, apparently) blogger and somehow at the same time an utterly mediocre essayist. I have no idea how this works, since it seems to me that being able to write a coherent article on thought-provoking topics was the whole point of any even vaguely journalistic endeavor, thus my confusion and insecurity. 

But shit, I can scribble half-baked commentary better than many, so what the hell? I come up with ideas all the time, some of which get written out, might as well put a few things out there. It's not as if anyone is paying any attention, anyway. It could be fun to develop skills in a different medium.

Today's topic is, predictably enough, Thanksgiving. Or, as I have taken to calling it, Xmas Part I. Is it my imagination, or is this the first year the Powers That Be have changed the radio and shopping music a week before Thanksgiving? I don't think it's outrageous to say that these extra reminders are completely unnecessary. 

Thanksgiving is slowly becoming Christmas's dress rehearsal - All the family and food without the tree and presents. At least one reason behind this leaps to mind, which is the immateriality of the holiday. There are only so many turkeys they can sell us, and it's hard to  commercialize driving 5 hours to have dinner with your aunt. It's a very unglamorous holiday, and the central idea is to be thankful for the stuff we already have. It really shouldn't be surprising that it's slowly slipping to the wayside. Take a look at what's happening to Halloween, which used to be about trick-or-treating, teenage pranks, and genuinely getting the crap scared out of you. The first time I saw a blow-up pumpkin in someone's yard I knew something was terribly wrong.

Halloween used to be my favorite holiday, and people used to look at me funny for it. It was the underdog holiday, I loved how low-key and spooky it was. Hollow gourds and shadows. Halloween lights? Really, people? The absurdity of a holiday about death and hedonism being slowly made to more resemble Christmas is something out a Tim Burton movie. 

And now it's Thanksgiving that's getting walked over. Is there a parade? They cancelled it, I think, but it doesn't matter because no one I know cares. The one thing that is commercial about Thanksgiving is the football. (I'll digress on this, professional sports is a rant for another day.) So the 'Christmas Season' - whatever exactly that means - lacks any real beginning and so is leaking little by little into the preceding weeks and months. 

I understand that these are arbitrary cultural definitions and only hold meaning while we all agree they do, but this brings me back to my point about the music. I know I am not the only one who detests most Christmas music. Give me the goddam Nutcracker or GTFO. And here in Cleveland, we lose two of our better radio stations to the stuff this time of year, and we really can't afford them. To say nothing of going to the drug store for a bag of chips. It's inescapable. And completely pointless. 

I've heard stories from people older than me who recall a time when Christmas music was played on the radio on Christmas Eve, or maybe the week of. I'm starting to think that one day I will be telling younger people about how Black Friday used to be this big shopping frenzy, the start of the 'Christmas Season' the day after Thanksgiving. And I'm wondering fatalistically if they might ask, "Thanksgiving?"

Finally, Here At Last. Also, Paradigms

So, I never could think what the hell blogs were for, seeing as I have a journal that I've kept for ages, and most of the things I have worth saying seemed private. Lately, strangely (as anyone close to me will concede) I have found myself yearning for an audience, of *some* kind, even if I can't seem to bring myself to pick the songwriting back up, at least for the time being.

On the other hand, I have a bad habit of making good calls, if not being outright correct, on many things.... Mostly those not directly related to myself, but still, ya gotta take your wins where they happen..... And it suddenly occurs to me that my rants on various subjects might find an audience somewhere in the widewideweb. Even speaking truth to one person has more merit than a lot of that goes on in life. I set up this damn blog one drunken evening almost 2 years ago, on the thread of a thought that what I have to say might interest *someone*. So, here we go, at long last....

First off, let me say how thankful I am that I keep fairly gratuitous notes on my thoughts, otherwise I would almost never be able to offer a cogent point to anyone. Don't ever for one second think to yourself that journaling is pointless. It isn't.

Ever had a paradigm shift? What I mean is, a moment when you come to understand that some pretty serious concepts you had about life, the universe and everything were seriously off-base? I feel as if I have been living from one shift to the next, because they are the moments when I feel truly awake, aware and alive. As the the Buddhists say. But ego death is not necessary for a bit of objectivity, and if we could all take a step or two back once in a while, the world would be a better place. Not even putting yourself in someone else's shoes, just stepping out of your own. My own paradigm has been (and no doubt still is) pretty seriously skewed, and I take pride in being able to, at least occasionally, see that it is just a framework through which I view the world. It is certainly not all-encompassing, not by a long shot.
Seems to me that most people, when faced with a moment like this, shy away from it. They tend to react with fear and rejection, almost instinctively. This is understandable. A shifting of the (perceived) universe is nothing to be taken lightly. And yet so many of us do. We fear change, be it moving to a new place or starting a new job. Who knows what's around the corner? And better the devil we know, right?
But last night I was given cause to consider the difference between true self-awareness and what could be called a self-concept: My grandmother is a good case in point. She has made herself sick and was recently put on hospice watch, all because of a line of thought that was imprinted upon her by early experiences - That, in order to be important, she needed to be seen as ill. I firmly believe that she is consciously unaware of this, and it's fucking killing her. Yet, if you could ask her, she could give you many reasonably correct observations about herself, all without ever being aware of this central concept that has had her self-medicating to the edge of oblivion.

....What I'm getting at, lad and ladies, is that we should all embrace those little moments when life offers us an extra glimpse. I pride myself in striving toward real self-awareness, even if it contradicts my self-concept. Even if it hurts. I recently had to admit to myself that a major part of my self-concept was detrimental to me in my daily life, no matter how I might cherish it. The days since have been filled with abject terror at being without something that had become cozy, but also moments of pure joy at seeing myself and my actions clearly, for the first time in over a decade.
To me, it feels like uncoupling the car from the train. Momentum is lost, but I get the chance to slow down a bit and look around. Don't fear the space between. It's often illuminating. And, if not, you need not fear being truly left behind by the metaphorical train - the well-traveled paths of your mind will not simply evapourate over night. So, what do you have to lose? And what might you gain?

I certainly can't promise that all future posts will be anything like this deep. Something I have been meaning to write about is the awful power of transitions - How the end of one song can utterly ruin the beginning of another, how we are expected to go from a serious news broadcast to an ad about how our shirts could all be whiter without batting any eye, and how all this emotional back-&-forth might be affecting people and society at large..... Okay, that's still kinda deep. So sue me, I overthink a lot of things. Guess that would be why I finally spilled over onto the internets....

Such a Crazy Endeavor

Do I really have time for this?
So new to this whole concept, really, but I feel I have something worthwhile to say.
....Doesn't everyone think they do?
Anyway, the basic concept behind Life As Performance Art is something I have been talking about with a friend and thinking about for quite some time - the idea that your life isn't necessarily limited to the form which it naturally takes. The little eddies into which it flows when the bottom is not regularly drudged, if you'll permit the metaphor. The idea that life, your life, can take the form you choose to give it, it can become a performance.
Not a performance in the sense of falseness, pretending to be something you're not.
Performance in the sense that every detail is thought through and sends a message (hopefully a coherent one), expresses something immaterial, something internal. A life of communicative expression, rather than just toil or getting by or making the best of it.

Altho' I suppose this is my ideal of making the best of it. Few of us are gifted with the resources to truly make our lives what we might like, from moment to moment. The concept here is more about making ourselves what we wish we were.

I am by no means this well-organised. By writing about (and hopefully propagating) this concept, I hope to further my own understanding and realisation of it. And to encourage others to view life as something to be made, rather than something just to get through.

Even tho' I firmly believe this is what we all do, every day, simply through self-consciousness. We need to define ourselves by something(s), to put something out there for others to react to. I mean to devote myself through this blog to exemplifying and exploring this.